there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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