...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
