I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
