She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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