thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
