my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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