I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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