I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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