Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
