So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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