So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
