I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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