Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
