Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
