Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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