my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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