VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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