The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
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I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
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So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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