Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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