totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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