FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
