Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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