Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
