hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
