Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
