I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
