I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
