i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
