So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
