you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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