i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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