Buhtt sex?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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