My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
