I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
