Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
