id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
