True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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