I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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