is your mom at the bar?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
