I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
