You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
dude. I can hear the air.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
