i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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