when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
