Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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