Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize