She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She told me I should be a condom model.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
