Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
