Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Randomize
