I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
that may or may not have been my penis.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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