wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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