sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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