i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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