she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
