The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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