this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
