At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
