Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
