Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
