Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
