apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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