I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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