Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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