I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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