So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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