If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
