Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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