i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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