you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
