Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
