you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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