I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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