laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
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You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
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If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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