OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize