remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
