Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
