I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
