I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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